Gerrard (Gerry) Gyngell's Page

Yes they are out there and living with us every day!!

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID

EIGHTH PLACE:

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.!!!

SEVENTH PLACE:

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran"accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.!!!!


SIXTH PLACE:

Buxton, NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug… Continue

1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were… Continue

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY,
AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:


1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES,
WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS
BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,
"WHERE'S THE SELF- HEL… Continue

Old guys...yep that's me......

I was in Waitrose the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy say… Continue

The Tale of an Aussie Pig

A Northern Territories (Oz) farm hand, radios back to the farm manager.

'Boss, I got one helluva problem here... I hit a ruddy pig with the truck.
The pig seems OK, but he's stuck in the roo-bars on the front and is
wriggling and squealing so blaady much, ah can't get him out.

The manager says,'Ok, there's a ....303 Rifle behind the seat in the rack,take it, shoot the pig and you'll be able to remove it.'

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back,
'I did what you… Continue